Bright Lights
by chatnoir
Summary: SV one parter He sat there… cursing the bright lights for taking away what he held dear.


Title: Bright Lights (1/1)  
Author: chatnoir  
Disclaimer: Not mine, never has been, never will be... Otherwise Lauren would be dead.  
Distribution: SD-1, ff.net, anywhere else: please ask me first  
Rating: PG  
  
A/N: thanks to **gabs** for betaing it. ::cough:: it's almost her birthday too!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He sat in the rubble. Ash surrounded him on both sides, encompassing him and pressing down. _Suffocating him._   
  
How many times had he done this already? _Way too many to count. _  
  
Or so he told himself.   
  
He should have known this was going to happen. _There were too many signs for it not to._   
  
What was the famous saying? For baseball no less. _Three strikes and you're out._  
  
He was given three chances. He lost her on the fourth. _Again._  
  
There were a limited number of times Sydney Bristow can come back from the dead. The first came in the form of Hong Kong. The second, she was forced back by paddles on the dream doctor's makeshift medical table. The third was a recon mission gone from bad to worse. He had waited in the hospital for countless hours until Lauren forced him to go home. Literally forced. _Ouch! Come on Michael, you need to come home. But I don't want to. I need to stay here. For Sydney. Come on, you need to sleep… I'll ask the doctors to ban you from her room then. You can't do that! They're CIA doctors Michael…I'll tell them to give you a sedative._  
  
That was four times he had a chance. _The beginning, two middles, and the end. _  
  
The fourth… he didn't want to think about the fourth. That was the reason why he sat in the ashes. It was a scene on repeat. The reason why those two years happened… _those two stifling murderous years without her. _  
  
The one night Eric Weiss had a date, the one night he was not home, the one night he turned off his cell phone. _They came back for Sydney._   
  
_Press rewind. Press repeat._  
  
The house was once again burned. Her body charred beyond recognition. Dental records would have to be pulled once again. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to search. Was it real this time? Or was it not? _Was she still out there?_  
  
Yet, he knew the answer.  
  
_No, she wasn't._  
  
He felt it in his fingers, toes, heart. _He felt it in his soul._  
  
There was a deep agonizing pain that wasn't there that first time. _Clawing at his very existence._  
  
The first time was going to be simple compared to this. The first time… he didn't say goodbye. _Didn't tell her he loved her._  
  
This time. This time would be the last, the worst, the indefinitely infinite. He told her he _loved_ her. He never told her that he still loves her with his heart and with his soul. He never told her that he waited until he couldn't wait anymore. He missed her. But he had the _chance_ to tell her. He never took it. He waited too long. _He didn't learn from his first mistake._  
  
He knew that she felt betrayed. It wasn't anything different from before. Her love was abused by so many different people. Her father, mother, Sloane, Noah. And now, his name was added to that list. _He should have known._  
  
She never was able to escape heartbreak. No matter whom it was from. Intentional or unintentional. It didn't matter. It was attracted to her. _Damnit._  
  
There were so many signs.   
  
The call from the police was disastrous. Her records still haven't been changed… he was still her contact number. He wasn't sure if it was because she hadn't had the time to change them (_did the goddamn CIA give her a break at all when she returned?_) or if it was because she didn't want to. _Did she ever trust him again?_  
  
She had trusted him with her life. _She didn't trust him with her heart._  
  
The police told him to drive over to her house and that there was something they had to talk about. He had taken his time thinking it was a break in or robbery while Sydney was not home. He had changed the baby, kissed Lauren goodbye after quickly finishing his dinner, telling her that he'd be back within the hour. _How wrong he was._  
  
He didn't have that type of time.   
  
He arrived when the fire forced smoke clouds into the dark LA sky. It was raging hot. Red, white, orange, yellow, blue. It was all there. Vibrant colors that had once dominated their relationship through passion and love. What a fitting end. _Although quite redundant._  
  
He collapsed against his car, looking at the water cascading upon the burning house. //Eric's house is still okay… she has to be safe,// he had thought. _No one had been home._  
  
He went to the nearest police and flashed his badge. //Sir, you might want to sit down for this.// They had sat down on the curb. He couldn't remember the words, only one emotion stood out. _The bitter taste of losing everything he held so dear._  
  
The bright lights took everything away again.  
  
He had so many chances to tell her everything. He thought he had the world again. But everyone else saw the things he didn't.  
  
Sloane remarked on what such a nice couple he and Sydney had been. _They were the perfect couple._  
  
Marshall telling him he didn't have brains. But then telling him that he still loved her beyond reason. _He was now absolutely sure he had no brains._  
  
Jack arguing with him to stay away from her so that she could fully heal if he loved her that much. _And like an idiot, he had._  
  
Lauren asking him if he was still in love with Sydney. _//Oh my God, I love her so much.//_  
  
The weeks before… the bright lights… he had done as Jack told him. He had distanced himself from Sydney. Inserting Lauren's name in whatever excuse he told. _The results had been astounding._  
  
By distancing himself, he hurt her. She thought he hated her for hurting his wife. Her eyes became glassy as the weeks moved on. She came in disheveled, wearing the same outfit as the day before, her hair a mess. She stumbled sometimes. _Unbalanced._  
  
He wanted to go to her and help her, to hug her, to kiss her, but then he would see Jack give him a look. It told him to look away and pretend he didn't care. _Like a fool, he did._  
  
Now, he regretted it. When it came to Sydney Bristow, there will always be regrets. He regretted not walking her to her door and making sure she would always be safe. Regretted not telling her before she came back. Regretted not telling her when she did come back. _He would **never** regret loving her._  
  
As far as he was concerned, the time he spent with her was the highlight of his life. There was no way he could change that.   
  
Damnit. He had had a chance once.  
  
He didn't take it.  
  
And now he sat in the rubble… _waiting._  
  
Waiting for what he didn't know. Maybe for life to sweep him away. Maybe a sign that will tell him that she forgives him. Maybe for someone to tell him to go home… _back to the baby._  
  
The recon mission… his fourth chance. It was for Sydney's missing two years. The CIA considered it successful. _She came back with the information._  
  
The information… the baby. It was his and Sydney's. Jack thought it would make sense if Vaughn kept the baby. Sydney was becoming unstable. Vaughn had Lauren as well. Surprisingly, Sydney didn't object. Somehow… she knew it was the end of the road. _Goodbye she had said._  
  
The little boy with the chocolate hair and molten green eyes was now the only piece of Sydney he had left.   
  
So he waited for that someone to tell him to go back home.  
  
He sat there… cursing the bright lights for taking away what he held dear.


End file.
